Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
