my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
