I hate your face
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
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