porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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