6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
