it hurts more in the daytime
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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