Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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