I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
