he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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