just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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