i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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