That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
