i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
