Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
