There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
