the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
