Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
