Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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