Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(678): View more from Georgia

I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.

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(205): View more from Alabama

he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?

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(864): View more from South Carolina

she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.

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(330): View more from Ohio

Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone

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(541): View more from Oregon

I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?

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(765): View more from Indiana

So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?

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(718): View more from New York

you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.

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(415): View more from California

If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will

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(651): View more from Minnesota

First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet

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