Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Is it because I queefed?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
