You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
