it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
