im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
