haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
