I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
