some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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