quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
