So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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