My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
