Your dad touched me again.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i will never coherently bang her
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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