My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
