my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
