My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
