Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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