If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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