I can't watch pbs sober anymore
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
