It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
