Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Quick, to the slutcave!
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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