What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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