And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
