He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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