She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
