Everything about him screamed your future.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
