Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
