so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
