I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
