I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
