Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
