Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
This toilet bowl is my home.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
