and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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