It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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